I don't know why I'm writing on here today or what to write, I just needed to let it all out. My Grandad died on thursday and it was such a shock to all of us that I don't think any of us have really come to terms with it yet. The hole he has left in our lives is huge and nothing feels real at the moment. I am dreading going back to work and getting on with normal stuff so I am just trying to take each moment as it comes. Having lived a spoilt life with very little loss to deal with I am unprepared for any of this. His last day came shockingly fast as we had no idea it would be his last. The coroner seems to think he died from a heart attack due to calcium in the arteries around the heart, but that's all just words to me. It doesn't mean anything tangible. My Dad is knocked for six as he and my mum were away in Greece when it happened and I had to call him and tell him on Thursday evening. I never want to have to tell someone news like that again. I can't even begin to descibe how it felt, and that feeling is only a fraction of how he feels having lost his Dad. My Nan is in denial. She makes tea, offers cake, cleans up after us...she talks about Grandad all the time, even how he died, but she won't talk to anyone outside the family, won't leave the house. I am lost and confused.
No one reads these posts anyway so this is really just to let myself see how I am feeling by letting it all come to the surface. I have spent four days trying to be strong, but it's so hard.
Monday 4 June 2007
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Hey. I'm so sorry. You commented on my blog the other day and I've only had time to come visit you now. I sort of know what you mean about the call you had to make to your dad. My husband had a heart attack at age 44 (that was 2 years ago). He's fine, it was a mild one, but he spent 8 days in the hospital and underwent 2 surgeries. It was very stressful. I had to call my mother-in-law, who I am not close with at all (she lives far from us), and tell her what happened. It was the hardest call I've ever made, especially since she didn't know who I was when I called! I hope you are doing better.
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